


Cornucopia

by misura



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, M/M, Unicorns, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29956269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: While stranded on an alien planet, Kirk, Spock and Bones run into something that probably isn't actually a unicorn.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41
Collections: Froday Flash Fiction Fandom Battle, Froday Flash Fiction Regular Challenges 2021





	Cornucopia

**Author's Note:**

> for more information/spoilers about the 'unicorns with a twist' tag, please skip to end note
> 
> challenge/prompt: _unicorn_

Bones gave Jim a very long look and then he said, "Huh," totally making it sound like he was judging Jim here.

"Oh, come on!" Jim said. "Just because it _looks_ like a unicorn, that doesn't mean it is one! I mean, those people we met yesterday seemed to think Spock was an Elf or something, and we all know _that's_ not true."

"It is correct that Vulcans do not refer to themselves as 'Elves'," Spock chimed in - not as rock-solid supportive as Jim would have liked but then, you couldn't have everything.

Spock was on his side: that was enough. Him and Spock, they were friends. They had each other's back.

"However," Spock started to go on, "it is well within the realm of possibility that - "

"So anyway, I think we should probably get a move on," Jim said quickly. "You know, find Uhura, figure out how to make it back to the Enterprise, that sort of thing. Priorities, people!"

Spock frowned. Jim could tell he'd hurt Spock's feelings (which Spock supposedly didn't have), ruffled Spock's feathers (which Spock definitely didn't have), whatever, the point was: Spock didn't like being interrupted and Jim was probably going to have to do something to make up for that.

By preference, it'd be something that disqualified him from getting singled out the next time they ran into something that probably wasn't a unicorn, because at the Academy, they'd repeatedly warned people about not going with your guts or first impressions or whatever when meeting aliens.

Or, as Bones liked to put it: it was always the cute, fluffy, innocent critters that turned out to be damn nuisances, if not worse.

The not!unicorn nuzzled his face.

"Uh, guys, a little help here?" Jim tried to recall if they'd covered this type of situation in Alien Fauna 101: How Not To Get Your Face Eaten By Something Just Trying To Say Hello and/or Begging For Food. (What _did_ unicorns eat?)

"What do you want me to do, Jim? Give you a damn - " Bones shut up abruptly as the unicorn turned his way, lowering its head in a way that was ... a little less cute. "Whoa." Bones raised his hands and took a step back. "Easy there. No need to get all stabby."

"Don't be - it's not going to _stab_ you," Jim said, because he was pretty sure unicorns didn't go around stabbing people. At least, they didn't do that in the stories he'd read as a kid, which had probably been written by people who'd never set foot on this planet or even heard of it, so ... "I hope."

"It does seem well-equipped to defend itself against those it perceives as a threat," Spock said.

The unicorn gave Spock a look, but it didn't seem in any hurry to run him through. Maybe it just disapproved of doctors or grouches or people who complained and used the d-word a lot.

"Which is totally not us," Jim said. He reached out for a bit of wary petting, which seemed to be welcome. "No threat here. Just three guys stranded on an alien planet trying to find the shuttle home."

"Here's an idea: you keep it distracted, while Spock and I go and get help," Bones said.

The unicorn pulled its lips back a little, revealing teeth. Jim hadn't taken any advanced classes on alien biology, but they looked like normal, regular horse teeth, meant for chewing grass and vegetables.

"As we have not yet determined whether this creature is, in fact, a threat, I disagree with that proposal," Spock said. Still on Jim's side, clearly, as maybe he should be, given that if this was, in fact, a unicorn and Jim was, in fact, getting all of this attention because he hadn't gotten laid in quite a while, which was definitely Spock's fault, except maybe for the bit where okay, it wasn't.

Still, a case could be made that if anyone was to blame for the current state of Jim's sex life, it was definitely, positively, 100% for sure Spock.

"Yeah," Jim said, continuing to pet the unicorn. It stopped showing its teeth, staying relaxed even as Spock took a few steps closer.

"Captain. As our phasers do not seem to function due to this planet's unique atmospheric conditions, our most logical course of action would seem to avoid conflict at all costs."

"You said it, Spock." The unicorn was really soft. Petting it felt pretty great - and the way it kept looking at Jim suggested the feeling was mutual. "Hey," Jim said. His tone of voice was maybe a bit embarrassing. He could practically _feel_ Bones smoldering, itching to make some comment.

"Want me and Spock to give the two of you some privacy?" And there it was.

The unicorn's ears flicked, and oh yeah, Jim remembered _that_ gesture from the horses back home. "Don't you listen to cranky old Bones," he said, making sure his tone was warm and friendly. Horses didn't speak English, of course: it was all in the way you sounded. "You're great, aren't you? And friendly. Hello. I wish I had an apple for you or something, you deserve one. Or a bunch. Don't you, eh? Don't you? Look at you."

"Captain," Spock said, putting a hand on Jim's shoulder.

It took Jim a moment to realize he wasn't dreaming. Displays of physical affection weren't really in Spock's wheelhouse - which was 100% cool with Jim: they didn't need to walk around holding hands or kiss each other 'hello' every time they met or anything.

He'd have liked the occasional hug, though. The sometimes 'so you almost died today, want to celebrate that you didn't by having sex?'. The rare 'do me right here, right now, who cares if someone could walk in on us at any time?'.

The unicorn snorted, sounding sympathetic. Its eyes were very understanding, too.

"Not now, Spock," Jim said. He was always, _always_ making allowances for Spock being half-Vulcan, and uncomfortable with displays of emotion, and you know what, that was all right with Jim. He'd known what Spock was like from the beginning. He'd never want Spock to change, to force himself to do things Spock didn't want to do for Jim's sake. What they had was good.

What he and Spock had _worked_. Jim wouldn't trade it for anything. He loved Spock, and Spock experienced a certain amount of affection for him, and that was all that mattered.

But.

"Yes, now, Captain," Spock said, and okay, that hand on Jim's shoulder definitely didn't feel friendly anymore.

The unicorn rolled its eyes. _You said it, buddy,_ Jim thought, because damn Spock anyway; he wasn't the boss of Jim or anything, no matter how much he acted like it sometimes and -

"Jim. Step back, please. For your own safety," Spock said, and Jim didn't want to, seriously, he'd just been petting a perfectly nice, friendly unicorn with nice, soft fur and if Spock had wanted to be the one getting petted and cooed at and admired by Jim, all he'd had to do was _say so_ , honestly, was that so -

The unicorn reared, screaming, sounding more angry than hurt, and Jim realized Bones had thrown a rock at it, which was some serious level of 'what the hell', except that -

"Wait," he said. "Are those _tentacles_?" Jim was pretty damn sure unicorns weren't supposed to have any of those.

"Affirmative," Spock said, still pulling at him. Jim gave in this time, letting Spock haul him out of petting range. "The fact that we did not see them before would suggest that the creature has, at this point, decided that we do indeed make for suitable prey - or possibly rival predators it needs to dispose of in order to protect its territory."

"Uh," Jim said. He felt dizzy, disoriented and a little dehydrated.

"Unicorn, ha!" Bones said. He'd picked up another rock. "What a load of crock."

"I - " Jim said. His knees felt weak. Spock caught him as he stumbled, which was nice.

The former unicorn, current tentacle creature, seemed to hesitate. It still had its horn, but its skin glistened with slime and did not invite petting, and when it pulled back its lips, its teeth looked like those belonging to something decidedly carnivorous. At a quick count, it had about twelve eyes, none of which looked at all warm or friendly.

"Just you try it, and we'll see who's a damn predator around here," Bones said, lifting his hand.

Jim strongly suspected they would indeed see - and it would not be three Starfleet officers whose phasers weren't working properly thanks to something weird in the air.

"Jim. Are you all right?" Spock asked, and wow, the two of them were really close and stuff. Jim already had his hands clutching at Spock's shirt and everything; all he needed to do was pull a bit to have Spock lean over and -

"Damn it, Jim, we're getting threatened by some alien tentacle monster. Is now really the best time to try and fix your sex life?"

Jim straightened, brushing off Spock's hands before he realized that right, he wanted to encourage that sort of thing, actually. Too late now, of course. "I'm fine, Bones. All part of the plan."

"Indeed?" Spock asked, but softly enough not to be overheard by Bones, so Jim felt free to ignore him.

His head felt a lot clearer. In the Big Book of Alien Biology terms, that would probably be called a 'clue'.

"Think about it," Jim said. "This thing could have made itself look like anything. It picked a unicorn. Why?"

"Your reaction to its appearance suggests you view unicorns as inherently friendly and therefore trustworthy," Spock said. Jim made a mental note to check if Vulcans had any stories about creatures that only popped up when someone wasn't getting any. It seemed unlikely, but you never knew.

"Great. So it's a _psychic_ tentacle monster," Bones said.

"I think it has a problem with people showing affection to each other," Jim said. He thought it was a rather brilliant deduction. Something Spock could have come up with, if he'd known about unicorns.

"Its weakness is PDAs?" Bones asked, sounding equal parts incredulous and annoyed.

Fair enough, Jim supposed: Bones was nowhere near as bad as Spock (then again, who was?) but he wasn't exactly the warm and cuddly type. "I think so, yeah. So, you know, you should probably get a bit closer to me and Spock."

Spock cleared his throat. "Captain. I believe your conclusions are premature. We do not nearly have enough information to - "

Jim turned around and kissed him again.

Five seconds later, he still hadn't gotten skewered by anything other than Bones's looks, which seemed to bode well. Stepping back, he realized Spock was staring at him with an odd expression.

Possibly, Jim should have asked first, or given Spock a bit of a heads-up, or something.

The tentacle monster made a bubbling sound.

Jim would have looked behind him to check what was happening, except that this time, Spock kissed _him_ , and Jim wasn't about to protest or mess up that chance by giving Spock anything less than his full and enthusiastic cooperation so.

The bubbling intensified and then abruptly ended with a whoosh-splash.

"Well, I'll be damned," Bones said. "That actually worked."

Jim stepped back and grinned. "See? I'm a genius."

"I would sooner say that you, if you'll forgive my use of human parlance, 'got lucky'," Spock said.

"Damn lucky," Bones agreed, tossing away the rock he was still holding in his right hand.

"Well, I couldn't have done it without Spock," Jim said, aiming for fake modesty.

Bones shot him a look suggesting the fake part came across loud and clear. "Thanks."

(They found Uhura being worshipped as a goddess by a tribe of extremely good-looking but also very polite and as far as Jim could tell not secretly tentacled humanoids which struck him as at once unfair, typical and a bit of a relief.)

**Author's Note:**

> 'unicorns with a twist' - the unicorn is actually a psychic alien tentacle monster that eats people


End file.
